I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
