I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize