She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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