Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
