u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize