I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
