Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
