Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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