I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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