just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
