Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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