You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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