Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize