My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
