the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
