when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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