I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize