my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
