New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
