Jerry, you need to find god
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
