5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
