How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
