i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
