I need to stop coming to work sober
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
