hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
