Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
