this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
