I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
