Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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