It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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