Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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