My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
