i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
