WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
