oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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