I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
