My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
