becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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