In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
40s are totally the cure
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
