You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
