PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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