is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
