Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
