So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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