Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
someone threw a dead crab at me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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