You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
