It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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