it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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