I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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