there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize