my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
