Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
