Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
