You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
