Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She needs sedatives and a leash
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
