There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
