Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize