it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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