I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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