fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
