this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
