i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
