I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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