Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
