he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
