yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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