Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
