Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
