Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
