You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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