I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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