Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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