Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize