just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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