What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
