yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
