Umm I'm too high to move.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
