Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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