They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
