If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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