All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
