I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
