Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
