Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
