I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize