This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
