we have officially lost it.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
