Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
