Pregnant stripper...not hot.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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