life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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