Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
