He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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