Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
