i will never coherently bang her
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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