if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
