i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
