my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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