I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
