I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
