just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
