I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize