just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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