I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
