so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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