So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
