Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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